When am I a Survivor?

Being a survivor is state of mind.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I opted to become a survivor immediately after that diagnosis. That was the way I chose to deal with the unfamiliar and crazy place I found myself after coming home from the doctor that scary day. Obviously this is a personal journey and each of us needs to decide what survival means.

The term cancer survivor was coined in 1985, by physican Fitzhugh Mullan in the New York Journal of Medicine. Mullen himself had been diagnosed with cancer years before at age 32, and he reasonedthat the word "patient" didn't capture his experience on any level. "Survival, in fact, begins at the point of diagnosis, because that is the time when patients are forced to confront their mortality and begin to make adjustments that will be part of their immediate, and to some extent, long term future."

Since co-founding Breast Friends almost 5 years ago, we have had many women approach us and ask “When am I a survivor?” Is it after I’m diagnosed? Is it when I’ve finished all my treatment? Is it on my one year, three year or five year anniversary?” Though Breast Friends has not put together a written statement on when that exact moments is, I think we all can agree that it is personal to each of us. In my opinion, if a person lives through the day of diagnosis, you are a survivor. After hearing those fateful words, it’s like your entire life flashes before your eyes. But not just the life you’ve already lived, the life you’re afraid you won’t see or be apart of. For me, it was thinking about my youngest daughter who was only nine at the time I was diagnosed. The thoughts of never seeing her grow up, never seeing her graduate from high school, or seeing her get married and or have a family of her own. These are painful thoughts and thus far 11 years after my original diagnosis, I have been blessed to still be able to enjoy those and many other important moments.

Those were the personal thoughts that filled my mind. So for me, surviving those private, scary moments and being able to pull myself out of the depths of my own private hell made me a stronger person, a survivor. I made that conscious choice to go back to the doctor and fight this disease with all the strength I had. I chose to have all those surgeries and to put that poisonous chemotherapy into my system to kill any stray cancer cells that might be floating around. I chose to concentrate on living, not the alternative. I looked at this journey as a major inconvenience in my life and tried to find positive aspects to help me get through. As a working mom I concentrated not on missing out on life but tried to feel honored and lucky I had more time to spend with my children. Surviving and thriving during a cancer diagnosis & treatment is primarily mental. Don’t get me wrong, cancer is an insidious opponent that not everyone beats but while we are on this earth, how we live, how we think does make a huge difference on the quality of our lives. Cancer patients face many quality of life issues during their journeys including the risk of recurrence, premature menopause, sexual & fertility difficulties, emotional distress, fatigue, lymphedema, cognitive problems and other side effects. So being positive is a tough propitiation but it was one I felt was worth the effort. I remember feeling so out of control at first, but by holding on to the concept of being a “breast cancer survivor” I felt like I was able to take that control back.

I am a positive person with a sunny disposition by nature, and based on the experts and the studies they have performed, that positive attitude will keep me alive much longer. Breast cancer survivors who initially adopted a fighting spirit live longer than those responding with fatalism & hopelessness. Even the distress level of the breast cancer patient’s partner significantly affects the distress level of the patient and can affect her quality and length of her life.

You will survive many obstacles throughout your breast cancer journey. Each one is a step toward survival, growth, moving toward the new you. The old you may not survive this journey and for me that was really ok. I found myself looking at my life and saying “If I can survive breast cancer I can survive anything.” I took the time to access relationships in my life. The newer more reflective, survivor in me needed a reason to burst forth. I needed to be a survivor in more parts of my life than merely living through breast cancer. We all have 24 hours a day and make decisions how to spend that time and who to spend it with. I made sure I wasn’t floating through life doing only what I was expected to do, rather I try to make conscious decisions to improve my life and the life of others. Breast cancer was the catalyst for me to become a survivor. It was a blessing in disguise. It gave me a reason to really look at my life and make some changes about the person I wanted to be and better figure out what that really looked like. I didn’t know all those things at the time at the time of my diagnosis and it’s revolving even now, 11 years later. I just remember making the conscious choice to be a survivor, not really understanding the magnitude of that decision. But making that decision has changed my life.

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