Mommy Doesn’t Feel Very Well!
When your mommy is told she has cancer, this can create lots of different emotions; in you and in the rest of the family, some may be a little confusing to you. You might see people crying or whispering and that might be a bit scary for you. You may need to help more with chores but try not to look at it as punishment, you are just helping out so your momma can rest and get better. You might even get mad at her for not spending as much time with you. It’s normal to want thing to be the same, but right now momma must spend a lot of her energy to get better.
Sometimes your mom will not be feeling well; she needs lots of rest and may not want to play with you. Imagine a cat, how they lay around most of the day sleeping, resting. They need to get their rest so they can run and play later.
If your mom is going through surgery, chemotherapy and radiation, she may find she needs extra rest just to do some of the normal things she does around the house. Sometimes she may get sick to her tummy. How do you feel when your tummy is upset? Sometimes it just feels good to lie around and doing nothing. It doesn’t mean she loves you any less; she just needs to let her body get better. But unlike when you get a tummy ache that goes away in a day or so, this might last for several weeks. It might even come and go, so be patient with her.
I know you might be worrying about your mom, but try not to. She is going to a good doctor who is trying his best to make her better again. If she has to go into the hospital, or go to doctor’s appointments and be away from you, she is missing you as much as you are missing her. Most mommies who have breast cancer who catch it early and go to all their doctor appointments will get better. She will do her best to get better so she can give you hugs and kisses forever.
Remember you had nothing to do with making your mommy sick even if you said or thought something mean. Cancer is not something you get from someone else. So that means, neither you or your brothers or sisters can get cancer from another person. It’s not like a cold that you bring home from school and pretty soon the whole family is sniffling and sneezing. So because of this, she will still need your hugs and kisses to make her fell better.
Ask questions to your mom or another adult who if there are words you don’t understand or if you don’t understand something that was said. Many children find it helpful to draw a picture to tell their momma how they are feeling. Maybe even draw a picture of the cancer and then show how the medicine is making it smaller or going away. If you can write down your words, that can be helpful too.
When mommy isn’t feeling well, things might change around the house. Daddy might be cooking dinner or doing the laundry when he normally does other things. Grandma might be over more often to help out, or other friends or family. You are still an important part of the family so ask what you might do to help mom during this time. Hopefully things will get back to normal soon.
Going through this time with your mom may make you feel angry that she can’t do the things she did before. Or she can’t spend time with you the way she always did. This isn’t an easy time for any of you and being mad will only make you feel worse later. Try not to take your anger out on other members of your family. Try not to argue with others and to understand this won’t go on forever and try to look at what you can do for others in your family.
You may feel a sadness that is hard to understand. Sometimes this sadness will make things you usually like doing, less fun. It’s ok to tell your parents you are sad, they are probably sad too. This will open up conversation so you can ask questions or explain in more detail how you feel about your mom’s illness. Maybe ask to have your favorite babysitter come over to play with you and that way your parents will have some time to talk about adult things. Ask your mom first, but your teacher likes to know how your mom and dad are feeling and they might be able to talk to you more about some of your feelings.
Childrens Books
Angel Kisses. Kelley, Ginny. 2000. ISBN: 0964043425.
A very sweet book that can comfort children who are faced with losing their mother to cancer. Using lambs as the fictional characters, the author writes for very young children about the cancer experience, including getting sick, having treatment (and the loss of hair), not getting better and later dying. Written specifically for young children about dealing with the loss of their mother.
Breast Cancer: Questions & Answers for Young Women. Vogel, Carole. Twenty-First Century Books, 2001. ISBN: 0761318550.
Written for adolescent girls, this book answers questions on breast health and breast cancer. It also offers practical guidance and comfort to teenagers whose mothers are undergoing breast cancer treatment.
Dear Mom, I am Sory That You Had To Get Brest Cancer. Jackson, Mikayla A. 2003. ISBN: 1553067045.
This book is a personal story and testimony of a young mother, as seen and told through the eyes of her 7-year-old daughter. The book shares with readers young and old the journey of a young mother, her daughter and their family as they experience what it means to live with, and survive breast cancer. The words are spelled as they sound (inventive spelling) and the text is simple and enjoyable for young readers.
Less Than Perfect. Albert, Louise. New York, Holiday House, Inc., 2003. ISBN: 0823416887.
This story of a mother’s breast cancer diagnosis and treatment is told through the eyes of a teenage daughter (15-16). Because she is struggling with her own self-conscious feelings about her changing body, she is unable to support her mother as she knows she should. This book is based on some of the author’s own experience, and she believes that love is the best medicine for health.
Mama’s Going to Heaven Soon. Copeland, Kathe Martin. 2005. ISBN: 0806651229.
This book is a compassionate story written to assist children in talking about the anticipated death of a parent. Readers will begin to process their own feelings as they listen to the children in the story talk about the confusion they feel because their mom is sick, the sadness they feel when they learn that their mom will die, and their questions about what will happen when she dies.
Mom and the Polka-Dot Boo-Boo. Sutherland, Eileen. 2005. ISBN: 1933002131.
This book is an informative and reassuring story that helps families talk about breast cancer. Lovingly written by a mother of two and illustrated by her young daughter, it gently prepares children for what lies ahead in the weeks and months following their mother’s diagnosis.
Moms Don't Get Sick. Brack, Pat. Melius Publishing, Inc., 1990. ISBN: 093760374.
Written by a mother and son, this book describes the feelings they experienced during the mother’s treatment for breast cancer.
Mrs. Biddlebox. Smith, Linda. Harper Collins Publishers, 2002. ISBN: 006-0286903.
This illustrated storybook is about having a bad day during which nothing is going right, and the magical way Mrs. Biddlebox makes it better.
Once Upon A Hopeful Night. Yaffe, Risa. Oncology Nursing Press, 1998. ISBN: 1890504106.
This book does a wonderful job of helping parents who are diagnosed with cancer discuss their illness with their children. A very good guide for establishing open communication about this sensitive subject.
One’s Own Self. Jalazo, Dori. 2003. ISBN: 0971519501.
This book is a story about finding joy and fulfillment in the brief friendships and experiences that touch our lives. The story could be read to a child who may be losing a loved one to breast cancer and needs to hear that it is OK to let that person go.
Our Family Has Cancer, Too! Clifford, Christine. Pfeifer-Hamilton: 1997. ISBN: 1570251444.
Clifford shares her personal childhood experiences about her mother's breast cancer as well as her own experiences as a mother with breast cancer.
The Hat Lady. Leonard, Jean. Illustrated by Mollie Elkin. Printing courtesy of Herbert D. Kerman, Regional Oncology Centers, Centers for Clinical Research in Cancer Care, 2004. www.halifax.org
This book enlightens a little girl about the necessity for some people to wear hats after undergoing chemotherapy. The hats are made to appeal to the personality, taste and mood of those wearing them. The story emphasizes the interest and delight of the little girl to be involved in her neighbor’s cancer experience and recovery.
The Paper Chain. Blake, C., and E. Blanchard and K. Parkinson. Health Press, 1998. ISBN: 0929173287.
This illustrated storybook for children provides a general understanding of breast cancer for younger children. The book uncovers the feelings of fear and separation children face as their mother undergoes surgery, chemotherapy and radiation.
The Year My Mother Was Bald. Speltz, Ann. Washington, DC: Magination Press, 2003. ISBN: 1557988889.
A month-by-month account of a young girl’s life while her mother battles breast cancer, with emphasis on her feelings during that time.
Tickles Tabitha's Cancer-Tankerous Mommy. Frahm, Amelia. Nutcracker Publishing Company, 2001. ISBN: 0970575203.
This book covers many serious issues like cancer treatment and its affect on the body and how even the delicate infrastructure of day-to-day family issues between husband, wife and children are changed by cancer.
When Eric's Mom Fought Cancer. Vigna, Judith. Albert Whitman & Co., 1993. ISBN: 0807588830.
This is a storybook for younger children about a mother who undergoes treatment for breast cancer.
When Mommy Had a Mastectomy. Greenfield, Nancy R. Silver Spring, Md., Bartleby Press, 2005. ISBN: 0910155607.
This book is an insightful story from a child’s perspective about her mother’s breast cancer and how it affects the special hug they share. The book gently introduces a child to breast cancer and states options after mastectomy while being candid about treatment and recovery issues. This book will help encourage discussion between mothers and their children, and thus alleviate some of the fear associated with breast surgery. It also reaches out to women and their families during an emotional and uncertain time in their lives and addresses a critical issue for women faced with breast surgery following cancer.
When Mommy is Sick. Sherkin-Langer, Ferne. Morton Grove, Ill.: Albert Whitman & Company, 1995. ISBN: 0807588946.
This book can help a child express the feelings he may have while his mother is away due to illness. The story portrays a little girl's experience while her mother is ill and hospitalized.
Where Did Mommy Go? Smith, Brenda Joyce. 2004.
This book is a spiritual tool to help children grow from grief to peace. The story in this book deals with a little girl whose mother has died. Where Did Mommy Go? was written to help children deal with the pain of losing any loved one to death. The main purpose of this book is to comfort children with God’s promise of eternal life. For more information, email: TALLMinistries@aol.com.
